Ok, after months of going through this I feel like I have to ask somebody that has a background in this type of thing.  Iam a 27 year old male with a wife of the same age and a son who is 19 months.  We have been together for ten years.  My wife is trying to get a book published and at the same time takes care of our son while I am at work.  When I get home from work I take over the little one along with the chores around the house (dishwashing, cleaning, etc) so she can focus on her work.  The problem is that even after the little one has gone down permanently for the night, she will continue to work until I finally give up and go to sleep.  We have sex, on average, maybe twice a month if I'm lucky.  If I bring it to her attention that I am wanting her or needing her more often then I am being unreasonable and don't respect that she is working on her career.  If I sit back and don't bring it up then I am lucky if we are intimate once a month.  I have tried to calmly explain that I'm feeling a little neglected, not only because of this but also for the fact that the only conversation that she will 100% participate in is about what she is doing.  I realize that she is busy, but am I wrong for thinking that even if you are a writer and that is your occupation, it's still a good idea to "come home" from your work once in a while?

Now, I have done a lot of research on the general average of sexual frequency between couples with children.  For the most part (realizing that is truly different from person to person) the national average seems to be in the neighborhood of about 1-2 times a week.  I would cut off my left arm at this point for 1-2 times a week.  I have expressed to her that yes, men have needs, but she will turn it back onto me that I am not respecting what she is doing.  I would never ask the question; are we normal, because normal is a very relative term, but at this point I'm doubting myself.  Am I being unreasonable?  I don't ask her to drop everything that she is doing when I come through the door.  I have supported her for ten years so she could persue her dream.  Never asked her to work while we struggled to pay bills and keep food on the table.  Because of that, I feel I do respect what she is doing, I am just asking for a little attention here and there. 

Should I just get over it?  Expressing my feelings to her just seems to make things worse.  So what do I do?  Give up?

Just a suggestion....... When you can find time or one evening while she thinks you are in bed going to sleep, get you some paper and put your feelings down. write her the most heartfelt letter she has ever read. Let her know how much she means to you and how much you want her to want you. don't point fingers as this will only make her want to rebel. Instead, let her know that she is what you desire and need. Make her feel important, loved, needed, wanted. Make her feel like she is the most important one in the whole world to you. After you are done slip the letter in her notes or somewhere where she will definately find it and can read it while you are nowhere around. Start leaving little notes around the house that she can find while you are at work. like on the bathroom mirror with lipstick, write something like " I love you" or "Cant wait to hold you" nothing sexual but sensual. But not too muc.... Read More