Here was the situation:
A woman with an exclusively breastfed 4 ½ month old son wrote in for advice. Her son’s father’s, formerly out of the picture, was demanding visitation rights. At the same time, he and his family were attacking her decision to breastfeed and wanted a judge to order her to either switch to formula or have her pump a weekend’s worth of milk for them every other week, a daunting task even for those with the best milk supply. The court date was quickly approaching and the mom was scared.
I touched on this issue in a story from my book, The Breastfeeding Café. Juanita had become pregnant during high school. She and her boyfriend broke up shortly thereafter, but in her eighth month of pregnancy she received a letter from his attorney requesting 50/50 parental rights.
A series of court battles ensued. The judge ultimately decided that the two month old baby initially could be separated from her mother for 2 ½ hours; in other words, she could go 2 ½ hours without nursing.
Juanita pumped milk to send with the baby, but her ex’s family refused to use it, feeding the baby formula instead, which she would later throw up. Since they lived in the same small town, Juanita offered to have them bring the baby back to nurse and then take her back to their home. They refused that, as well. Not only did this situation have a negative affect on her daughter’s digestion, but it interfered with the in-sync connection Juanita and her daughter had with their finely tuned supply and demand of milk.
Juanita complained to her attorney but was told that these kinds of problems were not considered “a big deal” in the courtroom. Her hands were tied. Only when her daughter began eating solids at 5 to 6 months did it began to get a little easier.
Unfortunately Juanita’s attorney was right.
What Can a Mother Do?
If you or someone you know is involved in a situation like this, there are still steps you can take to preserve the breastfeeding relationships.
Here are a few tips.
- Consider mediation as a way to avoid court battles. Helen, for example, whose husband walked out on her and their 15 month old daughter, was asked to stop nursing so her ex could have overnight visits with their daughter. “I had initially thought he was supportive of nursing,” she recalls, “but I discovered he thought I was ruining her by breastfeeding her as long as I did.” Helen felt differently. “I believe that growing, learning and becoming self-sufficient are innate drives in a child, and I wanted my daughter to be the one to choose when nursing was over, when she didn’t need it anymore. But it turned out my husband didn’t share this belief.”
Fortunately, they agreed to mediation and Helen and her attorney were able to get her ex to agree that sleep-overs wouldn’t start until their daughter was 2 1/2. years old, an age where she would be more emotionally ready. By that time, when she asked to nurse at night, the father simply told her he didn’t have “mum mums.” When the child returned to her mother’s, she resumed nursing. Helen thinks back on this as a success story.
- If you go to court, be prepared! First, protect yourself by avoiding saying the wrong thing. Know what the courts are looking for so you don’t inadvertently make matters worse. Helpful information on breastfeeding and the law can be found on La Leche League’s website. http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
Second, have a note from the pediatrician explaining that the baby is being breastfed. If you or someone in your family has a history of a particular health issue that breastfeeding helps to prevent, have your doctor document it. Share this information with your attorney or the judge.
Third, avoid mixed feedings. “If you already give your baby formula, in addition to breastmilk, your case is not that strong,” says attorney Vance.
- If you have legal representation, educate your attorney about the risks of formula and the importance of breastfeeding and the nursing relationship. One of the first documents to provide is The American Academy of Pediatrics’ 2005 revised policy statement on “Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk. This well-respected document comes from a highly regarded medical organization. On the top of page 501, in a section that looks at the role of pediatricians and other health care professionals in protecting, promoting and supporting breastfeeding, is the following quote: “Support the efforts of parents and the courts to ensure continuation of breastfeeding in separation and custody proceedings.” It may not seem like much, but it is a first step in admitting that breastfeeding is – or should be – an issue considered in court. You can access the document at: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/115/2/496
If you don’t have legal representation, however, it may not be in your best interest to share breastfeeding information with the judge. Some experts in the field believe that if a judge is biased against breastfeeding, emphasizing your nursing relationship may make the situation worse.
- Contact your local La Leche League Leader. If you don’t know how to find one, visit www.lalecheleague.org. On the top tool bar click on Groups/ Affiliates. This will take you to another page where you click on your state and then on the community closest to you. There you will find the names and contact information for your local leaders. Your local leader has access to the Professional Liaison Department which may be able to provide you with state specific information. You may also send questions via the Legal Help Form. La Leche League does not provide legal services, but may have information that can assist you.
- If time is of the essence, your attorney should contact Katy Lebbing, at La Leche League International’s Center for Breastfeeding Information at 847-592-7557 or Klebbing@llli.org. She may be able to speed things along.
- If your case involves an extended breastfeeding relationship, the following websites may be especially helpful:
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detletter.htm. A letter that can be used in court written by Dr. Katherine Dettwyler, a biocultural anthropologist and recognized authority on extended breastfeeding and weaning.
http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/sustained.html
A 2001 document, out of Australia, that summarizes research and recommendations on extended or “sustained” breastfeeding.
Share your Thoughts
If you have any experiences or stories that speak to these issues, send them along and we’ll share them here.
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