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5/1/2007
5:38 pm |
I've been walkin in a circle for a while over all this.. but heres my story... I got pregent when i was 15 left school( for other reason)... my sons father just got out of Juvy at the time.. nd he was in the drug seen pretty bad..wasnt sure of it at the time.. but learned as i was with him.. we where together for 3yrs he stayed true to the drugs... quit off and on.. but a year ago i had enough of it all nd went back home.. everything went fine for the most part till he got jelouse of me dating and kidnapped Brandon... he was only a yr old but it was alot at the time.. i got a PFA so i could get him back.. but since then he was putting me throw alot.. a guy that had nothing to do with us all of a sudden was playing super dad.. well 8 months ago he went to rehab cause his mom kicked him out nd he had no more money so that was his way back in to his parents house( he knew how to work the system).. the day of our custody heiring he robbed a gas station and is now sittin in State prison or boot camp... im really close with his mother... and when my sons father calls over there Brandon will sit and talk to him... but Brandon i feel is gettin alittle confused with all this( hes been hearing alot..hes a smart lil boy)... people think i should let him see him cause he'll b gone for a couple yrs... but i really dont kno.. he hasnt seen his father for about 8 or 9 months now.. and im now engaged with someone else.. nd Brandon keeps bring up weird things.. is there away to make it easier for him to cope?...im really not sure how to handle it.. i want him to always know his dad but how do explain.. he compares his dad to his grandmothers father passing away...please help... i want the best nd i dont want him to be worried that im going to leave him..thanc u Christina |
5/5/2007
2:55 pm
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What a tough situation.
My suggestion is that you let your son spend as much time with his father as possible before his dad goes away. Brandon--like most children--sees himself as half mom, half dad. So he's probably worrying that one day he'll end up like dad, doing bad things, or having to spend time in jail. I'm sure that deep inside he's a very scared little boy. Plus, no matter what his dad has done, he love him very much. Not letting him see dad will compound his pain.
This, of course, puts you in a bind. On one hand, you want to move on. On the other, you want to protect your son. By supporting Brandon's relationship with his dad you'll be showing him that it's okay to love dad--even if you no longer do--and that by doing so he won't be disappointing you and won't lose your love.
It's also very important that you encourage Brandon to talk about this situation and that you answer his questions in an age-appropriate way. You need to emphasize that his father is not a bad person; he's just made .... Read More  |
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Armin Brott hailed by Time as The Superdad's Superdad, has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood. 
