My Last Blog

On Monday, April 23rd, in my 12th week of pregnancy, my husband and I go to our 9:30AM appointment to meet our new Midwife. We were really excited because we were meeting her for the first time and having another ultrasound. She comes in and she's extremely nice. We talked awhile and then she proceeded with the exam. She used a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. She moved it around my stomach, but still, we couldn't hear anything. So she says "don't worry, this happens often. We'll do an ultrasound". She proceeds with the ultrasound and does not see a heartbeat. She went on to tell us that the baby did not have a heartbeat and at 12 weeks, the baby was the same size as the photo I took during my seventh week. "This is not a good pregnancy, I'm sorry", she says.

My husband and I just sat there completely numb. We thought we were just going to our appointment. Not in a million years did we expect to get that news. It was devestating. I burst into tears because I was so looking forward to having a baby. I then started thinking back "is it something I did to cause this?"

I received so much support from my husband, family, my work family at Real Savvy Moms, and friends. But what I found most amazing is that so many women that I know have had the same experience. They all had miscarriages early in their pregnancy.
I've learned that it is nothing that I could have done, these things happen. I have come to believe that and have been able to move forward.

I am still healing from this experience and I believe that God has a purpose for everything and I look forward to my next pregnancy.

Thanks again to everyone for their enduring support!!!!!!!!

Toiya

Why are we so afraid of pain??????

Okay, you all know that I made the decision to have a natural childbirth with my first child. Since I've told my friends and family about my decision, the response has been completely one-sided. Everyone thinks that I'm crazy and that I will be unable to endure the pain and will beg for the epidural. The overwhelming response I've gotten is that it's too painful and I'm nuts to think I can go without medication. Are there any moms out there that had a natural childbirth and actually have something positive to say about it?

My question is, what did women do before the epidurals? And why are we so afraid of pain? I am producing a segment on the Perception of Pain and I interviewed Dr. Marsden Wagner on this topic and he made some pretty powerful statements regarding the media's influence on women and childbirth. You can read an article he wrote at; http://www.marsdenwagner.com/fishall.html

I'm not saying it won't be painful, I know it will be. And in fact, I'm taping the birth for our show. I'm having a waterbirth so all will be able to share this journey with me.

Mood: Moody

I'm a changed woman!

My Company sent me to Eugene Oregon for a Midwifery Conference on Wednesday, March 14th. I had to take three flights to get there and I had morning sickness really bad, so the flights were sheer hell! I tried to warn the flight attendant as we landed that I really needed to use the bathroom, but she didn't listen, so you could imagine what happened next! Then the airport lost my luggage, so I guess you could say I was off to a bad start. But the next two days would change my life forever...

The next morning, Elaine Stillerman (our show writer) and I attended a workshop given by Penny Simkin, and I was really excited because she is the author of the book given to me by my OBGYN, Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn. As I sat in her class and watched a birthing video, tears started streaming down my face! I couldn't stop crying! In the past, the only thing I could relate to childbirth was pain and anguish and I never knew that childbirth could be so beautiful. And the fact that the Midwives and Doulas were right there the whole time coaching and giving support to the mothers...it was unbelievable.

I then interviewed Penny, along with Dr. Marsden Wagner, Dr. Robbie Davis-Floyd, Dr. Michel Odent, and Midwives Penni Harmon, Ina May Gaskin, Jan Tritten, Gail Hart, Eneyda Spradlin-Ramos and Doula-Kelly Townsend. These people are truly amazing! They have such a passion for the childbirth experience and they speak the truth in regards to the things that the hospitals don't always tell you. Midwives are also clinically trained to handle prenatal visits as well as delivery. And during childbirth, they are ALWAYS by your side giving you the love and support women need before, during and after labor...unlike Doctors who often have patients lined up and just can't give each patient the quality time they may require.

I am so blessed to have attended this conference. Midwives are truly the warmest, kindest, and most loving people I have ever met in my entire life! And some of the things I learned from them was NEVER told to me by my OBGYN. I realize why women NEED our television show "Real Moms, Real Stories, Real Savvy". Our show truly empowers women with the information that will help them make more informed decisions about there pregnancy and motherhood. It certainly has empowered and changed me! I am firing my OBGYN and I will have a Midwife and a Doula deliver my baby. I could not imagine giving birth and not having them present. I have also decided to have a natural birth, no epidural, no medication. Just me, my Midwife, and my Doula (and my husband, of course). Will it be painful? Yes! But having my Midwife and Doula there will make all the difference! And as Penny Simkin says, "I can do it!"

Mood: Ecstatic

My first pregnancy!!!!!

Despite the morning sickness that I have everyday all day long, I am totally excited that I am seven weeks pregnant!!! My husband accompanied me to my first Doctor visit on Monday, March 12th and it was really exciting! I had a sonogram and we saw the baby's heart beat and I almost cried. I spend so much time with new and expectant moms on our show, but to experience it for yourself is truly amazing. My doctor told me that since I am thirty-five years old, I need to consider the nuchal translucency test or the amniocentesis. I am somewhat afraid to have the amniocentesis done because of the risks of miscarriage. I have heard stories from both sides. Some say it is harmless and safe, and some say that it is dangerous for your baby. What do you guys think?

To do or not to do, that is the question...

Mood: Contemplative