Bubble Wrap My son broke his wrist in a soccer game, and as long as it is in a cast, he must wrap it in bubble wrap whenever he plays. The bubble wrap protects the other players from getting hurt if they bump up against his cast, and it also protects his wrist from further injury. I was helping him wrap the cast the other day before a game, and it suddenly occurred to me that if I could, I would love to wrap all of him in bubble wrap.

I do not think of myself as an over-protective mother, although my kids might disagree with me. I encourage my kids do be adventuresome, independent, and to challenge themselves intellectually and physically. But I am also aware that I really hate it when my kids get hurt, emotionally or physically. While I say that I want them to experience all life has to offer, I realize that I also want to protect them from hurt, from disappointments, from betrayals. I’d love to be able to wrap them in bubble wrap head to toe, to shield them from harm or pain.

Obviously, though tempting, a whole body bubble wrap would be awkward. And while it might eliminate all possibility of further injury, I know that extreme protection can be just as harmful. Pain and disappointment are just as much a part of growing up as success and love, and often, just as valuable in helping a child grow into a capable, loving, and productive adult.

Parents in the twenty-first century are inundated with advice to facilitate their child’s development. Advertisements and news stories appear around every corner, teaching mothers and fathers how to help their children learn language earlier, hit a ball more accurately, or avoid strangulation. Parents confer with each other about what activities, which teachers, or which sports or musical instruments will allow their children to develop to their fullest capacity. Childproofing has become an industry, with books, methods and items (most non-existent when your own parents were growing up) claiming to safeguard your child from every conceivable household accident.

We try our best to protect our kids, jumping to their defense when a teacher calls with concerns about their classroom antics. If they are not invited to a classmate’s party, many parents call the kids’ parents. We help them with their homework, we excuse them from chores if they are too tired, we coddle them and love them and think that they are brilliant and beautiful and talented and we give them all the advantages.

We wish to raise our children to become happy people. Yet I realize, in my calmer moments, that people learn from discomfort and disappointment. I have learned from my own mistakes, bad choices and betrayals, and while I don’t wish those moments of misery on my own children, or on anyone else’s kids, I know that these unpleasant experiences in life can be of tremendous importance.

Admitting our mistakes, experiencing disappointments, and surviving challenges teaches us to become resilient, to know when to ask for help, when to forge ahead, and how to manage difficulties. Facing our true emotions allows us to learn about others and about ourselves, and perhaps to make better decisions next time. Pain is not pleasant, but it is part of life, and shielding children from discomfort denies them important opportunities for growth.

When my children hurt, I feel terrible, but I’m trying hard to accept that their pain is their own. Wrapping them in bubble wrap, protecting them from any of life’s bruises, would do them no real favors. They need to know what it feels like, and more importantly, learn how to handle it, when they do not get the grade they expected, score the winning goal, or get invited to a party. Experiencing disappointments teaches children to try harder, or to accept that maybe they need to try something different. Dealing with life as it happens will make my kids stronger, and that is good for them.

Debra Gilbert Rosenberg is the author of The New Mom's Companion and Motherhood Without Guilt. She is the mother of three, and is a psychotherapist and teacher.

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