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5/26/2009
11:05 pm |
I am expecting my first baby and am a little concerned in regards to my Moms behaviour. We live in separate cities and have so since she moved away when I was 20. We speak or email every second or third day and try to visit one another 2 or 3 times a year. I moved to another separate city with my husband two years ago for work benefits. We have been married for 10 years. I am an only child so this is most likely the first and only grandchild. However I recently became concerned when my Mom got upset when we decided to choose our own cot and demanded to see pictures of it. She has now recently borrowed a more up market cot from friends in the same wood colour and is beginning to set up a nursery in her own home. Her reasoning is that when I fly to visit her I will not have to bring everything with me. I had made it clear in the past that I wanted to try IVF one more time approximately 10 months after this birth assuming all was well and therefore would not be travelling anywhere for the next 18 months. On Mothers Day this year I received a present and card written on behalf on my unborn son from her. Lastly she had promised to take a month off and stay with me close to the due date however now she has decided otherwise and will fly down the day before and wants lessons in nursing a baby from the hospital. I am slightly confused and beginning to get very worried. Do you have any suggestions in how to handle this as I can see things going very badly from here on. |
5/28/2009
12:31 pm
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It is understandable that you are concerned about your mother's involvement with you and your unborn child. For whatever combination of reasons, many future grandmothers get a bit out of control in anticipation of their new role, especially for their first.
Keep your mother informed of the progress you and the baby are making. When she tells you about something she has done for you or your baby, thank her when you appreciate it, but tell her if it bothers you or makes you uncomfortable. You are fortunate that you live a distance apart. You can maintain emotional distance if you limit your contact. Setting up a nursery in her home may feel like pressure to you to vi.... Read More  |
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Debra Gilbert Rosenbergis the author of The New Mom’s Companion: Care for Yourself While You Care for Your Newborn, a guide for first time mothers to help them adjust to the many emotional, relationship, identity, and physical changes that accompany motherhood, published by Sourcebooks, Inc, in April, 2003, and Motherhood Without Guilt: Being the Best Mother You Can Be and Feeling Great About It, a book that helps mothers become more self-accepting and confident about their motherhood, also published by Sourcebooks, Inc, in October, 2004. 
