Debra Gilbert Rosenbergis the author of The New Mom’s Companion: Care for Yourself While You Care for Your Newborn, a guide for first time mothers to help them adjust to the many emotional, relationship, identity, and physical changes that accompany motherhood, published by Sourcebooks, Inc, in April, 2003, and Motherhood Without Guilt: Being the Best Mother You Can Be and Feeling Great About It, a book that helps mothers become more self-accepting and confident about their motherhood, also published by Sourcebooks, Inc, in October, 2004. read more

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Sign In to Ask a Question Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5   behavior expert   Thread Posted by Replies Views Date   My 3 yr old son Question Time outs just dont seem to work he happily takes himself to a time out corner/spot when I say the word Is there a more effective way to discipline my son Also I have a 9 month old that my almost 3 yr old is very rough with and often threatening if not actually physically harming him I fully understand the whole jealousy issue but my concern is (because of how physical he can get with his baby brother) if I keep them apart alot in terms of not allowing them in the same playpen or for the baby to sit on the sofa with his older borther (because I don't want the baby to get hurt) am I creating division among my kids and will this keep them from being wonderful friends as they get older Answer lisa belliveau 4 689 3/25/07 2:04 am   I care for a bully Question Hello Michele I have a 1 year old son and I have been a caregiver to an 18 month old little boy for the last 7 months The little boy I babysit has been extremely aggressive towards my son lately Every time my son approaches him he starts flaling his arms to hit and screams "no" He goes up to him ripping toys from his hands and pushes him over with his head He has biten him twice and tried to bite him many times I do not feel comfortable leaving to play without being an arms length away b/c of the physical aggression I have tried so mnay different sharing activites as well as encourage activities for them to play together and reward the good behavior I have given my son the attention when he gets hurt or gets his feelings hurt I know that the little boy has been biting since before he was 12 months I'm assuming he is doing it b/c he is jealous although I feel like I spend more attention on him than my own son What do I do My main concern is the safety of my son and that he doesn't learn these bad behaviors Help Answer momofone 2 599 3/8/07 11:03 pm   3 Year old with a whining, complaining, know it all problem Question Hi I have a great 3 year old daughter who is very smart She remembers everything and thinks she is a grown up She can be ery intuitive and kind but a lot of the time she is whiny complaining saying the opposite of what I tell her Such as if I say it's going to be hot today she will say "No it's not it's cold out" and so on She has something to say about everything and can be very argumentative I have to tell her 6 or 7 times to do something and raise my voice before it actually get's done I realize some of this is normal and some of this is probably the result of the model I have been How can I teach her to listen the first time and to stop whining and complaining and talking back Answer Catie4evr 2 754 3/26/07 6:09 pm   My 6 year old son........ Question My 6 year old son has been diag ADHD since he was 4 He takes 20mg of adderall a day and 100mg of quetiapine at night to help him sleep He in the last year he has been constantly using the bathroom (peeing) just wherever he feels like it most of the time in the closet trash can dresser drawers and just today I cought him peeing in the entertainment center This problem is getting way out of hand what should I do What causes him to do these things Answer motherof2 2 574 4/6/07 4:29 pm   IM WORRIED Question I'M WORRRIED ABOUT A STUDENT IN MY CLASS HE HAS ANGER PROBLEMS SO BAD HE BITES HIMSELF SWEATS ETC HOW CAN I HELP HIM Answer queenbee1 2 522 4/13/07 6:37 pm   4 year old child only wants to play with me?? Question my recently turned 4 year old still only really wants to play with me he expresses interest in going to see various kids in the neighborhood but when we go to see them he often ends up seeming rather bored with them my son's interests are drawing intricate mazes building complex train track layouts and buildings out of legos he even uses ribbon as electrical wires I think his interests are just completely different than the kids on our block who are into Pokemon and other various tv shows such as batman etc We don't watch tv but he's got the option now and then if he wants to which he doesn't Do you think he'll start to have more in common with kids once he is of kindergarten age It just seems that his language skills and interests are setting him apart a bit too much Even when we do play with other kids (which absolutely love to play at our house) I seem to have to be more involved than I would expect at this age He's my first but we've always been around these other kids in the neighborhood and the park since he was an infant They range in age from 3 7 and at times in the past couple of years his interest has waxed and waned just curious if I can expect some more signigicant changes during the next year and a half of his development before he starts school Answer theresa2007 2 510 4/17/07 5:20 pm   Disciplining a 20 month old Question I have a very busy exuberant 20 month old son He is going through a phase which I know is completely normal of kicking hitting and biting The main target seems to be his 3 1/2 year old sister My normal response is to get to his level and say very firmly "No Hitting " or kicking or whatever Then I pick him up and place him in the time out chair which is in a separate very boring room He usually just laughs and climbs out of the chair I've tried holding him down (which does frustrate him) and picking him up a putting him back in the chair over and over Any suggestions would be very appreciated Thanks Answer CarleenK 1 455 5/7/07 6:05 pm   is it still safe to have sex at 6 months ? Question email Answer alwaystomas 1 451 5/7/07 5:31 pm Awkward Q ? Question My 2 yrs 8 mnths old daughter's curiosity has increased a lot That's good but at times she asks awkward questions The other day she was asking me by touching my bobs 'mom what is this' Pls guide me how to answer such questions to a toddler Answer JGill 1 695 5/3/07 4:25 am   3 year old challenges Question Hi my name is Heidi and I have a 3 year old daughter She's so great creative smart loving playful the best laugh ever I need some advice about some behaviors that are really wearing me down I know from everything I read that we're experiencing completely normal 3 year old behavior It's just hard to keep coming up with new & creative ways to handle challenges I try to use humor and get her to focus on fun and fantasy to get her to do things she needs to do One example is that her toothbrush loves eating up all her sugarbugs and he cries dramatically if she won't let him get them all She loves that one and it works everytime But the two things I'm dealing with lately are: morning dawdling when we need to get ready to go for the day and bedtime "get ups" HOW do you get a three year old to get her clothes on and hurry out the door I guess I need someone else to come up with some humorous ways (like the toothbrush one) Also with bedtime I just made up a chart called "Sleepytime Star Chart" and Arwyn will be (hopefully) "The Sleepy Time Star" when she STAYS in bed after I leave We've ALWAYS had a very good bedtime routine: time to stop and help clean up milk time brush teeth potty pullup and pajamas (the 3 p's) story song and prayer and finally Arwyn's job staying in bed after mommy or daddy leave We'll see how the chart works after a few days She loved it when I showed her She did ALL of the items on my list perfectly and proudly placed stars next to each one But she's not the Sleepytime Star tonight She's been up several times to call me: "mommy I'm too hot mommy I have to poopy (but not really) mommy I want to see you mommy I need you to tuck me back in " I follow brazelton by gently walking her back to bed in silence pull up her sheet and say quietely "It's bedtime Arwyn " and leave But I'm tired tired tired tired I know this is normal and just a phase she's always been fine with bedtime but as she gets older she's got a stronger will I just need some fresh ideas to help keep me from losing my patience Sorry for rambling Thank you for any ideas you might have Heidi aka: Arwyn's mommy Answer 3 year old challenges 1 636 4/27/07 12:21 am   Trouble Sleeping Question I have a 9 year old son My husband and I are at a loss because we can't get him to sleep in his own bed Every night he starts out there but in the morning he is either on the couch in the floor in our room the living room or even in the bed in the guestroom We have asked several times and in several ways for reasons why With every answer we were have been able to meet his request New sheets clean room new bed Now we just get I don't know Any ideas Thanks Answer KWILLIA 2 513 4/18/07 2:58 pm   Why Do I Feel Guilty? Question Dear Debra after reading that you wrote a book about mommy guilt I just have to ask this Why Do I Feel Guilty We signed Mateo up for soccer We were all excited Mateo was super excited I volunteered Juan to coach and he was too excited The first practice was a job But all in all it went well All 4 of us were there The second practice/game I decided to stay home and let Nico sleep in and have Juan and Mateo go alone It was a bust Mateo clung to Juan the entire time Juan said it made him feel really weird and he had to forfeit his caching duties He ended up leaving early I decided that I would take him to the next game but it turned out on the same day as our BIG yard sale so I needed to be at the house The very next practice happened to be a day that I was traveling It was also picture day Juan had to go alone with the two boys It turned out to be a disaster Juan now thinks that Mateo is insecure and that there is some underlying issue which Mateo apparently cannot communicate to Juan They ended up leaving before practice even started I told Juan that he is over analyzing the situation he was obviously bothered by the notion and lashed back that he knew I would say that NOW I FEEL GUILTY I feel like I needed to be there to go to the practice with Mateo and try to help the situation At the same time I am mad at myself Even though I am SUPER mom I just have to allow myself one weekend out of the month to let him try to be super dad The fact that he is not SUPER DAD (don t get me wrong he is a great father) is the source of my un happiness and I just do not know how to handle this Please help me not to feel guilty about this Answer RockStarMom 1 462 4/29/07 10:24 am hitting her self Question :sumo:okay my niece just all of a sudden started hitting her self in the head and she has a sad look on her face she started this on monday and i keep telling her no and i hold her hand so she wont do this why is this a sudden thing she is doing is there something wrong is she trying to tell us something is wrong concerned aunt:crib: Answer joanna esquivel 2 794 4/7/07 5:44 am   another son hates his mom Question my son will be 17 soon and has beenlocked up since he was 14 (short a 5 month period 1 5 years ago) drugs running away skipping school broke into a home etc but was a great son no problems until he was 13 and then the wrong crowd a first love gone bad and he just spiralled out of control with the help of his new friends he is now with a mentor a guy i am a single mom dad is absent but he had a stable live took him to church no men etc he was locked up again for hitting me he basically wants nothing to do with me blames me for putting him in jail etc The Youth commission from what i have seen they just house them he has been needing consuling they suggested it but wont do it he has gotten worse in there i understand positive ways to handle things and do things different etc but they basically act like its ok that he hit me and maybe i deserved it I keep asking for consuling but they wont do it and the only time i see him is because i insisted that i be able to come to the one a month evaluations he even lied and told them that i was verbally abusive to him which i am not cause he didnt want to come home and be under my roof with my rules although he is following those rules at a strangers house he says hes happy i think part of it is maybe needing a man around too thats ok not that i am perfect but i have been a good mother and tried to help him thru all this he was with another mentor before this one but was acting up and they tried to tell the Youth commission that he needed help but they just moved him to another mentor which i am glad instead of going back to jail he cussed out another teached 3 months ago i think he feels that he wasnt doing too bad of stuff compared to the other kids and feels i overreacted but believe me he was getting hooked on drugs and becoming more and more angry i felt i had to do somethingin one year they will release him when he is 18 and seem very native to me that these experts think that my son can get a job and pay for an apartment gas car etc etc because i ask them once he is thru with this program what kind of support is he going to have i cant let him back in my house since he put me in the hospital and is so hateful to me so i feel that they are just setting him up for failure yes its up to him but i believe he deserves some consuling hes threatened to kill a lot of people so angry cussing teachers out but they are in denial the mentor says hes a good son they think i am being negative its more realistic and then how am i going to help my son yes i want him to make it and pray he does but he doesnt have the pro social skills needed to get along in this world its almost like they dont care just as long as they get him thru the program sorry for the ramble so what is you advice on my stragety here onces hes out of school my insurance drops him and i dont have the money to pay for consuling but make to much to get help not that he would go its painful but if someone doesnt want a relationship with you (even though he is a kid with some head problems) i cant make him ive been trying for 2 5 years but he rejects me at every turn but i dont nor can i let him back in my house with his anger rage and hate toward me im dissapointed in Tyc and amazed at how ineffective it is i do understand they have a lot to do with so little and am gratefull there was someone to turn to but its also dissapointing that only rich people can afford placement for their troubled teens i wont give up but i need to take care of myself cause its starting to affect me in a negative way and i need some advice on how to start doing that thanks Answer seher 2 651 3/28/07 1:59 am   Desperate for a solution- My 4 year old and ANXIETY Question My daughter is 4 and 4 mos She recently was moved from the 3's to the 4's in preschool and we have been having problems ever since The other students started 6 months ago and her teacher is pressuring her to catch up with the other kids in writing/math and reading skills My daughter cries every morning and also anytime the word school is mentioned She is fearful frustrated and sad I encourage her and work with her on her school lessons but nothing decreases her anxiety The teacher is not accomadating by giving her more time to catch up and says she doesn't have time to sit withher everyday I am seriously considering changing her pre school Would this cause MORE undue stress My daughter was such an outgoing confident good natured girl and now she is anxious tearful and angry It's been 8 weeks and I see no improvement Thanks for your insights Answer iminlove 2 576 3/29/07 5:20 pm My 3 year old says he hates me... Question I have a 3 year old son(he'll be 4 in July) He is usually very playful and loving He likes to hug/kiss me and says "I love you" several times daily However when he gets angry he just snaps Even over the silliest little thing(like getting a honey graham cracker instead of cinnamon) he quickly lashes out and says "I hate you mommy " or "I hate you whoever " depending on what he's upset about And lately he's been saying "I hate you And I hate your babies (I'm pregnant w/ twins) and I hate God " And then he just stares at me as if waiting to see me cry or react in some way What's the deal We never use such language in our house I don't know where he learned this but it scares me He knows it's wrong I'm hoping this is just a phase He is old enough to know how to hurt me and what makes me sad I suspect that's what he is trying to do to hurt my feelings But why I just don't know how to handle it Do I show him that it hurts me Do I cry Do I ignore it Do I just plain tell him he's not allowed to say such mean things to people(hasn't worked yet) Help I know he loves us and he knows we love him I just don't understand this behavior Our oldest daughter never went through this But now our yougest is starting to tell me she "hates" me when she's upset now too a 2 year old copycat Bad thing to copy I just want to handle things the right way and raise our children to be compassionate and thoughtful and loving What do I do Sorry so long Thanks for your time Answer Cassie1234 1 745 4/23/07 3:32 pm   STRONG-willed 2-yr old Question Hi Dr Borba My 2 5 year old daughter is quite smart and can be so helpful and sweet when she wants to be but her whining and begging and throwing fits when she doesn't get her way just keeps getting worse Our "no" doesn't seem to register She will beg and whine over and over for the same thing She doesn't like time outs we keep sticking with it but I'm not sure its working Sitting her down before and after and explaining what she did wrong doesn't seem to ultimately stop the behavior even though she seems to understand she is being naughty I know some of this is normal "terrible twos" but I am a bit concerned that my husband and I need to get our authority down better before she gets older and the behavior continues to worsen We also have a more laid back 1 year son and they often play great together but as soon as she doesn't like what he has or does she pushes him or slaps him Any advice on what we as parents can do Answer KSASings 3 688 4/10/07 4:51 pm   5 yrs old Question Hi thereI have a question on my 5 year old Ill try my best not to take it too long I was a young mom well still am :)but i had gabe young and at two years old i noticed some aggression in him and like everyone around me thought (terrible twos) Well its gotten worse His speech is wonderful talking at 15 months knows all letters numbers and since im home im teaching him to read now But i see sometimes that he gets frustrated very easily like playing a game not getting his way or sometimes when i brought him to day care as soon as he saw the other kids hed clam up and not talk to them like a dont bother me type of thing And sometimes he just yells and bangs his feet when something doesnt go his way i have to tell him to use his words Some days he'll just come up to me saying momma i have a headache or im feeling crabby today But tying his shoes sometimes he turns into a wet noodle with tantrums Are these some signs of very mild autism or do i just need to start being more consistant which im not sometimes Thanks for any feedback Jessica :translation: Answer jesschatt 1 522 4/19/07 7:16 pm   Strong willed or behavior problem? Question My daughter is 2 1/2 years old and she is and has always been very strong willed She MUST have her way at all times or a raging temper tantrum will errupt That is a bit an issue for me because I have rules and expect them to be followed within the limits of her capabilities She is very smart for her age and is capable of holding down a conversation with children much older than he as well as other adults She can be so very sweet and loving but then when you tell her "no" to something or ask her to do something she doesn't want to do she has a complete melt down or just completely ignores you She is so stubborn that EVERYTHING turns into a power struggle From eating dinner potty training nap time bed times getting in the car seat even playing games At 1 1/2 she wanted to start using the potty and she was doing better then than she is now at 2 1/2 She decided because we were wanting her to she no longer wanted to We also have a second daughter (she just turned 1) and she has decided she wants to be a baby again I know that regression is pretty normal when a younger sibling is born so close in age with the older one but it's driving me crazy I am just getting so burnt out with trying anything I can possible think of and having no luck My family and friends don't seem to understand what I am going through They just say "you have to be tougher with her Stick to your guns " but I am stict with her and I have found that the more I push her on things she just pushes back 10 times harder So as far as support in my circle of family & friends I'm not getting too much of that There has to be a better way in dealing with this So my question for you is do you think this is just a stong willed child that needs to be tamed or a child with a behavior problem that isn't capable of folowing my rules and expectations Should I get her tested for something Please help me the inmate is taking over the asslym bellabeans 0 533 4/21/07 4:30 pm   My daughter wants to always be held Question I am a stay at home mom and my 6 month old daughter wants to be held all of the time She had colic and as a result got lots of attention and arm time Most times when she's not being held she screams non stop until she is picked up It hurts my heart to hear and see her cry and sometimes I give in What can I do to make her more independent and not scream all day and also help me Answer TYLER1 2 485 4/20/07 12:26 am   Continued attention seeking son age 9 Question Our son has always been full on in your face (never in a malicious way always trying to be friendly and make freinds) and constantly attention seeking We have recentley relocated and as a result the behaviours which were managed at his previous school appear to be much more of an issue He is being bullied he is struggling academically etc I feel if we could sort out some of the attention seeking (always putting hand up even if doesn't know answer etc) we may go along way to solving some of the other issues How can we try to help our son to stop attention seeking He also still sucks his finger and we need help in trying to get him to stop this Answer rojo 1 561 3/29/07 5:56 pm   Transitioning from montessori education to public school Question My daughter is 5 and will be attending kindergarten in a public school next year She has been in montessori for about a year She has been tested for add and is not considered as such However she resists redirection she gets upset and anxious if it gets too noisy and does not have a long attention span and will get physical with other kids in class if they get on her nerves (As I have seen with my own eyes ) All that being said I have seen improvement with her behavior at home and I just don't want her to be labeled as a "trouble maker" at her new school I have already expressed my concerns with her current teacher and even talked to the "kindergarten lead" at the new school to tell her the situation Her teacher at the montessori says that Tori just has a strong personality and not to let her be put into a class with a "new" teacher She says there is nothing wrong with Tori's learning abilities either that she is very bright Anything else I can do on my end ThanksTiffany Answer tiffn2ntow 1 536 3/31/07 11:54 am   a neices love Question i have a awesome neice she is 1 year 1 month old we live with her mom we rent a house together my question is when she cries and is upset she wont let anyone comfort her but me and she holds on to me i dont understand why i only get to she her really until the weekend because of my work sch she wont let her mom near her or her dad she just wants me i am happy she is close to me but i dont want to upset anyone joanna:love: Answer joanna esquivel 1 519 4/1/07 11:49 pm   my son hates me Question my son real father just came into the picture my son is 15 almost 16 and now lives with his real father (didnt want to follow my rules)) my son resents me and now wont talk to me wont tell me he loves me at ALL i left the real father because of physical and mental abuse 14 yrs ago now the father has straightened up he is now the hero and im the 0 went to visit my son a week ago he has no bed no room and sleeps on the floor the real kicker is he dont mind the house is filled and reeking of smoke my son has asthma and this still doesnt bother him or the father ive kept my mouth shut due to the fact im alredy the villian Do i just wait this out im really trying not to dwell on this but it hurts it feels as though my son has died and im in mourning Answer marla 1 640 3/13/07 6:59 pm   babyish behavior in 9 yr old Question at a scout meeting my 9yr old hid under a table because he did not get many answers right on a scout quiz and was not eligible for a prize i thought this inappropriate and told him if he were that interested in being 'scout smart' he should read the book and that he should be glad for the boys who did get prizes i have been ostracized by so called experts for my handling of the situation and for my thinking that this little episode of selfishness should be worked on so he can grow up with better social skills; thereby possessing the tools to be a pleasnt and engaging peer did i err or am i on target Answer lolo 1 583 3/15/07 4:56 pm   Odd behavior for a 10 year old Question My husbands niece is 10 years old She has tested off the charts and is very book smart Since the age of 4 she has exhibited some fairly odd behavior She cries if someone talks to her or asks her a question She either wont talk or answer or give you a slight head nod as a yes or no She is always making facial ticks She prefers to play alone with a video game or computer I think she has friends though At the age of 10 she is still carrying around stuffed animals for security Is this a simple spoiled child or could there be some underlying cause to her behaviorShe absolutely hates my 2 year old son wont let him touch her or come near her She has never uttered the word please or thank you Answer mrsjlo 1 622 3/19/07 1:00 pm   5 Year old behavioral problems Question I have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old son My 5 year old has been in a program that is suppose to help him prepare for Kindergarten However almost every day I receive complaints from his teacher about his behavior The teacher has many different issues with my son ranging from sitting still in circle time to flirting with the girls in his class I have asked several other teachers and their comment is that he is "just a boy" Yet his teacher continues daily to bring issues to me Some are valid but most are not I have tried the smiley face reward program at school to help motivate him to sit and listen while class is in session I guess my question is should I be handling this differently Next year he will be in the school system that he will remain in I don't want him to be labeled a "trouble maker" or "bad kid" of his class Any ideas on how to correct his classroom behavior Answer Loving2sons 1 625 3/20/07 3:48 pm   nelp with my 10 year old son Question i dont know where to begin my son is 10 he is loving caring and a wonderful child but at school he feels he is the only person on the planet he doesnt think any rules apply to him so often i get phone calls about how he is acting like the class clown not listening ect his grades are ok but he has trouble getting along with some of his classmates which causes conflict in the classroom there is one kid who constantly calls him names like retarded stupid ect he does do it to other kids as well but it is really affecting my son his teacher could care less no offense but she is there for a paycheck and i dont know what direction to go pls help me Answer peanut 1 565 3/20/07 4:47 pm   He's a terror Question My boyfriend and I have plans to get married soon But his son is a terror He is dirving me crazy Tyson will be 4 in march and is the most mis behaved child that i have ever met I completely understand why he is such a terror He does not have a stable home Stable family yes But he is never in one place My boyfriends ex wife refuses to give up custody because she is getting 500 a month for being a 30hr/week mom She has tyson monday tuesday and wednesday and he is with us the rest of the week But monday tuesday and wednesday when she is at work tyson goes back to my boyfriends mom's house She only has her son for about 30 hours a week She knows that Tyson is having a hard time She wont take full custody or give him up She has the bull by the balls She gets paid 500 for not doing anything She does not care about his well being She wants to be a mom to get money but thats it Tyson is really acting out He refuses to listen to anyone Screams constantly does not eat destroys anything that he can get his hands on He loves being bad He waits until someone is watching him to do something bad He craves the attention We give him all the attention that we can when he is good He gets praised when he is good He gets prizes when he finishes a meal But that does not happen often My boyfriend is at his witt's end with him I don't want to be around him anymore Last week i got kicked out of my apartment because of his screaming He is really putting a damper on our relationship Please help I don't know what to do anymore No one will agree on a way to raise him or disciplin him 3 different people are raising him 3 different ways Any kind of advice will help Answer Kirk 2 602 3/5/07 7:32 pm   Another sibling rivalry question. Question Hello Michele I just have a quick question as to how to get my kids to stop fighting My son is 8 and daughter is 3 and a half They are constantly poking at eachother one doesn't do it more than the other it's actually quite equal I really honestly think that this constant poking at eachother is their favorite pass time It's very hard for me to see what's going on all the time as I'm constantly on the go around the house They blame eachother for everything and when it comes time for punishment it feels like I have to punish both of them to make sure the one who started it gets the punishment Seems like I've tried everything from trying to keep them occupied with crafts T V toys board games and my attention to making them stay separated (which doesn't work anyways and is probably not healthy) There has to be something else out there to get them to stop this sometimes I almost think they do it for my reaction am I over reacting by punishing them every time they fight Should I let a few things slide and maybe start making them work things out on their own Answer K L 2 589 2/22/07 6:47 pm Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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